Lean In!: The Surprising and Transforming Power of Synchrony

I was at choir rehearsal recently when the altos and tenors encountered a pair of dissonant notes, two notes that sounded like you mixed your stripes with polka dots in clashing colors…Tsk, tsk!...Or maybe not. After all, rules were made to be broken, and we humans love breaking the rules.

As these two sections encountered this clash, someone in the bass section said, “Lean into it!” And we all laughed because everyone knows that your body is going to actually feel the vibration that comes from two notes interacting so close together like that. For years, we’ve been taught that this is an undesirable place to stay. If you’re going to write a dissonant harmony into the music, the conventional wisdom has been to then resolve it.

But in the last 20+ years, more and more people have decided to take the advice of that singer in the bass section and lean in. They’ve done studies on small populations of people, measuring brain waves, using control groups to compare outcomes of those experiencing dissonances with those who aren’t. And in doing so, we’ve confirmed what wisdom literature has been telling us for thousands of years: We are helped by dissonance!

Now, in music, we can fine tune this experience, working with binaural beats where one ear hears one tone and the other tone hears another tone within 30 Hz of the first tone. The brain, rather than hearing two distinct notes synchronizes the two notes to create a third tone – one that’s not being played but that the brain believes itself to be hearing.

This synchronization is called “entrainment,” and we’ve come to believe that synchrony of many kinds is good for us in a multitude of ways: reduced stress and anxiety; improved mood, clarity, and focus; pain relief; increased creativity; better memory recall…you get the idea.

Now, at least since 2019, reports have been popping up regarding something called the “loneliness epidemic.” The arguments are well worn: People are feeling more isolated than ever. Too much time is spent online. We’re addicted to doom scrolling, and it’s feeding our biases. All of these ideas and more have been topics of concern when it comes to whole-person health. And so we wellness practitioners respond by telling people: Connection is important. 

And yet the reports just keep coming.

Returning to my personal story, I moved halfway across the country 5 years ago. To be sure, our move was a better-case scenario than some inasmuch as we knew people in the area we were moving to. But all the same, oftentimes people referenced a version of us that matched what they knew of us over 20 years ago; their comments didn’t reflect the years of alchemy and transformation we had experienced, which led us to ask consider what connection looked like in this season of life.

It hasn’t been entirely easy. Forging friendships takes time. But forging connections can happen a little faster.  And experiencing moments of synchrony can come even faster than that.

Two years ago now, my New Year’s goal had been to “be harmony.”

At the time, I had related this to my Spiritual Guidance practice. My intention was to be a good listener, to be one who could come alongside others and lift them up. But life decided to offer me a more concrete version of my goals. An old friend invited me into the local musical. A few months before this, I had joined a handbell choir and a church choir. A few months after this I would pick up the flute again, joining the community band. I would also pursue certification in singing bowls where I would learn about binaural beats and their ability to help us experience attunement and alignment.

Suddenly, I was (once again) immersed in music, immersed in the experience of synchrony: Feeling the harmony, feeling the dissonance, feeling the resolve, being in the music. I’ve been drawn to tears by the resonance of both the handbells and the flute. An increase in shared experiences has led to feeling like I have relational connection. In other words, I don’t feel lonely. But more than that, I feel known, seen, and cared for. And I have opportunities to be that for others as well.  

I am happy. I feel whole. Complete. Satisfied. Energized.

This isn’t to say that life is perfect. Far from it. Like any of us, there are problems to solve, things that I’m worried about, ways in which I feel uncertain. But I have something meaningful in my life.

And according to the science, this synchrony I’m experiencing in music is helping me reduce my stress levels & feelings of anxiety, improve my ability to solve problems creatively, and help me center and ground so that I can focus and think clearly.

Now, if you’ve read this far, you might say, “But I’m not musical, so what exists for me?” Well…first of all, you just said that to someone with a Masters in Music, so I might challenge you on that. You might not feel confident when in it comes to singing or playing an instrument. Some of that is just exposure. But even so, you don’t have to be good at creating music in order to receive the benefits from listening to it. What’s more, binaural beats are, by definition, two sounds that many have been taught not to pair together. By this logic, go ahead and create dissonant sounds! Sound bad! It’s actually good for you!

But synchrony brings us joy in lots of ways. Joining a jogging group, going for a walk with friends, taking a dance class…anything that puts you in synch with others has a way of increasing your quality of life.

If you want to read more on these points, you might consider googling the term “binaural beats.” I also really love Ingrid Fetell Lee’s book Joyful, which includes a section on synchrony.

If you just want to experience synchrony, head over to the Retreats & Workshops page of TendingMe.com where you’ll find sound baths, 1-hour, and 2-hour workshops that you can use to boost your own experience of joy in everyday life.

Another possibility: pick up your own copy of Abundant Joy: A 90-Day Journey towards Sustainable, Authentic, Life-Changing Joy or check out the Joy Journey Motivational Card Deck.  

But whatever you do, lean in! There is something good to be found there.